I’ll come right out and say it, I’m a diehard Weed Guy. Anyone who parties can tell you there’s only two kinds of guys: Beer Guys and Weed Guys and you’d better hope the two never cross paths because they will tussle. I recall once being at party with a bunch of fellow Weed Guys and we see these Beer Jerks walk into the room. I had to grab the damn tire iron out of my trunk because, I will tell you right now, I was not about to let those dicks slosh their booze around dousing our joints and ruining our weed. If you try to step in Weed Territory with a Miller Lite or whatever garbage you’d better be prepared to pick your teeth out of the gravel.

See, smoking weed isn’t just a recreation, it’s an allegiance, it’s an identity, it’s all that I have. So when I see these pathetic clowns vaporizing their drinks I can’t help but feel a certain indignation. Smoking is a weed thing, we started it and it belongs to us. You don’t smoke beer. You drink beer. You let it slosh around in your mouth like an animal, spilling down your throat into your guts until it finally comes out of your penis on to some grass or a toilet. It’s an insult to the third state of matter and I pray to Jah (Weed Jesus) that they outlaw this crap and save smoking’s good name.

Like Nik’s bizarre thoughts? Check out some more humor pieces here and here. You can also follow him on Twitter.