What is the difference between short-term dating & friends with benefits?
One Tumblr user says, “There isn’t any.”
I don’t think I even knew “short-term dating” was a viable option until I started online dating. Apparently, it is an acceptable classification of a type of relationship to seek. When did we all collectively sit down and consider “short-term dating” a thing? I asked people via Tumblr and Twitter what, if any differences exist between short-term dating and friends with benefits. I have sprinkled their responses throughout with the addition of my research.
Dana M. says: “I think of FWB as something that evolves from a pre-existing friendship. STD is more “I’m moving, let’s go out anyways”
Dan W. says: “One is defined by length of time and the other isn’t necessarily?”
Savannah says: “I don’t think [there’s a difference]. I put short term dating because I’ll be moving in August, and I don’t want to be attached when that haps.”
Cat L. says: “FWB is acting like friends in public but then benefits… Short-term Dating sounds like using the other person until better”
So the distinction seems to come down to end date (short-term dating has one, while friends with benefits may not)—but why is there an end date? Moving seems to be a viable reason or waiting for something better, outside of that, why opt for short-term dating? Is it simply semantics or something more? I understand when a relationship has run its course but I don’t normally go into any relationship (friendship or otherwise) with an intension for it to end within a set period of time. What happens after you’ve taken the person on whatever set number of dates?
The issue of what constitutes “dating” comes into play. How is “going on dates” different than “hanging out with a friend?” Does dating imply a goal for marriage or a long-term relationship and everything else is just…what exactly? If the definition is that rigid then is short-term dating simply a euphemism for sex without commitment and an occasional night out—that isn’t inherently bad, just has a different implication than attaching the word “dating” to it. Perhaps “short term dating” is simply friends with benefits without being friends first? A Cal Poly study indicated more satisfaction and perceived quality of a Friends with Benefits relationship when both parties value and are committed to the friendship.
Webe C. says: “I don’t think you’re friends. Just amicably being couplish while you wait for whatever it is you are really looking for”
It’s all good and well to short term date if that’s what you’re looking for, but if you’re using it as a placeholder until something better comes along, you may never get there. Having that security of someone “on call” will make it less likely that you’ll approach someone new even if you’re unsatisfied with your current arrangement. (A study from the University of Tennessee reported a positive correlation between level of satisfaction and commitment within a romantic relationship.) This can be substantially worse if your goal is to end up in a committed relationship with the person you’re casually seeing. Cal Poly found that “wanting a more serious, committed relationship to stem from a relationship that inherently lacks commitment leaves women less than satisfied with their FWB relationship.”
In the end, does the distinction even need to be made? Are ascribes titles really just an illusion of security that may or may not actually exist.
Anthony M. says: There is a big spectrum of possibilities between a regular hookup and a long-term commitment. Particularly for poly folks.
The Journal of Sex Research concluded:
“Although they practice safe sex more often, [Friends with Benefits Relationship] partners are less likely to be monogamous and report a greater number of lifetime casual partners, have less frequent sexual interactions, are less sexually satisfied, and generally communicate less about sexual issues with their partners compared to individuals in romantic relationships.”
It is safe to assume (and research verifies) that whatever situation you’re in that has caveats (friends with benefits, short-term dating, etc.) it’s likely to never evolve into a title of girlfriend or boyfriend. If you’re okay with that, (really okay, not just rolling with what the other says) then go for it. If you find yourself in this ambiguous situation and you don’t want to be in it, communicate like an adult or just move on. Life’s too short to “short-term” when you’re looking for something more.
Since I have more questions than answers, I’d like to propose a final note that may very well sum this up more than I could…
Evan says: “It’s Baltimore… Most the people only want casual sex… And I’m Ok with it.”
