Photo by Chris Mullen
Last Friday, I had the pleasure of participating in an event at 2640, which was so simple it was brilliant. The Charmingly Charitable Chilibrew brought together two of my very favorite things and if this event doesn’t become a national phenomenon it will serve as proof for the decline of our civilization.
The Chilibrew was a chili cook-off, homemade beer brew competition and fundraiser for two worthwhile causes, the Velocipede Bike Project and the Baltimore Free School. In exchange for a $10-20 suggested donation patrons were given an almost-pint glass as a souvenir, treated to a wide variety of spectacular homebrews and were privy to an eclectic sampling of chili.
Unfortunately, the first such Chilibrew was held last spring without my knowledge though, understandably, it was met with great success. When I arrived to Chillibrew Too at 6pm, half-an-hour early, there was already a crowd of people at the door. The great hall of the church was soon filled with the smell of chili and a throng of “judges,” drinking and eating their way around the room.
Photo by Chris Mullen, story by Earl Crown.
Photo by Chris Mullen
While I waited in line, I met a Dennis Hopper’s doppelganger. He asked me to explain what was happening and whether I thought it would be worth while to pay the ten bucks for entry. “Shit, yes!” I advised, “Where else can you get drunk on ten dollars and get a free meal?” Dennis Hopper followed my advice and forked over the dough.
Photo by Chris Mullen, story by Earl Crown.
Photo by Chris Mullen
Patrice Woodard, co-organizer and gracious host of Chilibrew Too.
Photo by Chris Mullen, story by Earl Crown.
Photo by Chris Mullen
My first taste of chili was ‘Lucifer’s Choice,’ which had been prepared by Chef Tim. I’m gonna have to agree with the Antichrist on this one as it was my choice as well. Driven by my favorite chili of the night, I felt compelled to come back for seconds and thirds and fourths. It would have been fifths but by 9 pm Tim’s crock-pot was empty, and he was sitting behind his table with his baby on his lap.
As I was woofing down my second serving of the official chili of the Underworld, I wandered over to see my friend Ryan Boddy who had three different beers for sampling. My favorite of the three was ‘Altbier,’ which he called “a Marzen that’s really an Ale.” Ryan is part of an organization of homebrew enthusiasts who can be found at BaltiBrew.org, a forum for people who love to make and drink beer. I almost voted for Altbier as my favorite, both because it was delicious and because Ryan gave me three full glasses of the stuff. The first bar that serves this on tap is where I intend to live out the rest of my days.
Photo by Chris Mullen, story by Earl Crown.
Photo by Chris Mullen
Boson Ka-chun Au
Boson Au’s exuberance was infectious to say the least. Within a few seconds of speaking to him I was excited about Velocipede. The Velocipede Bike Project exemplifies the spirit of DIY activism. They don’t take money with “strings attached,” according to Boson. I believe this quote from their website best explains the groups mission:
“Velocipede bike project provides access to second hand bicycles and hands-on education in a shared work space. We serve Baltimore by empowering people of all backgrounds to take their transportation into their own hands. We envision a future where bicycling is no longer an alternate form of transportation and has become a seamless part of a healthy urban environment. We envision a culture of mutual support that brings people together from across backgrounds to form a strong bicycle-using community. Through reuse, recycling and dedication to the enduring value of the bicycle, we envision a city with bikes on the streets and out of the waste stream.”
Photo by Chris Mullen, story by Earl Crown.
Photo by Chris Mullen
One of the more notable beers in the competition was ‘Chili Burrito,’ a tasty Pilsner flavored with chili and brewed by Joe Federico. I was initially apprehensive about even trying this beer as it sounded revolting. To my surprise, ‘Chili Burrito’ was just the opposite- it was magnificent. It took huge balls for Joe to even think of flavoring his beer with chili and his gamble was successful.
Photo by Chris Mullen, story by Earl Crown.
Photo by Chris Mullen
While Leslie was enjoying the libations and good lighting, I was making my way around the room happily buzzed. I was on my way outside to have a cigarette when Dennis Hopper grabbed me and shook me by the shoulders. About two inches from my face he said:
“This shit is worth every penny of ten dollars!”
And I answered, “I told you it would be.”
With the intensity of a man about to share some serious, beer-fueled wisdom, a look I’ve seen on many faces over the years, Dennis Hopper asked me: “Did you know that IF is the middle word in LIFE?!”
I escaped Hopper’s grasp and walked away, yelling at him over my shoulder: “You can’t go into space with FRACTIONS, man.”
Photo by Chris Mullen, story by Earl Crown.
Photo by Chris Mullen
Upon my return from a smoke break, I sampled two tasty chilies served by two charming young ladies. When I tasted their ‘Tuxedo Chili,’ I immediately noticed the taste of cinnamon in the mix. Three other entries also had cinnamon as an ingredient, which was a surprise since cinnamon does not usually figure in the alchemy of your standard chili. The Tuxedo Girls also fed me a hearty sample of their Triple Meat Chili, which consisted of chicken, beef, turkey, squash, red wine, and chocolate. The Triple Meat Chili almost knocked ‘Lucifer’s Choice’ off of the top of my chili ballot.
Photo by Chris Mullen, story by Earl Crown.
Photo by Chris Mullen
What had to be the best beer bottle label was on Matt Gillis’ Fluffhead Dunkelweizen, a bold, distinctive dark-wheat beer. His bottle featured Bob Ross, which automatically scored him bonus points. “Happy trees…..”
Photo by Chris Mullen, story by Earl Crown.
Photo by Chris Mullen
Chefs Leslie and Warren presented me with a delightful offering called ‘Heck Yeah Jalapeno,’ a spicy and creamy mixture with pepper-jack cheese. This particular sampling was proof that looks can be deceiving because while the sample looked like the poop of a new born baby the flavor certainly kicked-ass.
Toward the front end of the room, next to the Velocipede display, I discovered the Baltimore Food Makers booth. Baltimore Food Makers is “an online forum for exchanging info, sharing ideas, resources, equipment, inspiration and recipes.” The organization is dedicated to encouraging people to grow, forage, hunt, and make their own food. I sampled a number of tangy and pleasing pickled items, including pickled watermelon rinds, as well as their homemade cheese and home-cured pork.
Photo by Chris Mullen, story by Earl Crown.
Photo by Chris Mullen
My absolute favorite of the beers, perhaps some of the best beer I’ve had in twenty-five years of beer-drinking, were served by the boys at Jaygle Bay. They had five entries into the contest, all of which were I.P.A.’s. Incidentally, I.P.A.’s are my favorite so I may be a bit biased.
I especially liked their #2 I.P.A., which was made with Agave. Their #5 was perhaps the perfect I.P.A. if there is such a thing. It was the same recipe as #2, but with less water. I voted for Jaygle Bay’s #5 at the top of my beer ballot.
Photo by Chris Mullen, story by Earl Crown.
Photo by Chris Mullen
By 9:30 pm, after 3+ hours of beer and chili, I was staggering around the big room with a chili stain on my shirt and a goofy grin on my face. My belly was full and I was ripped to the tits. Many of the other judges were in a similar state of buffoonery, furiously filling-out their ballots and gobbling down whatever beer they cold find. Even at this late stage, there were still people waiting in line to come into St. John’s and judge the entries. The energy in the room reminded me of the frenzied action you’d find at the Mt. Royal Tavern during Artscape only on a larger scale.
Photo by Chris Mullen, story by Earl Crown.
Photo by Chris Mullen
I limped out of 2640 St. Paul Street around 10pm, just as they were going to announce the winners of the competition. It didn’t occur to find out who actually won. I was impressed with everything I sampled. I was also impressed with the Velocipede project, and the dedication displayed by the brewers and chili chefs. As far as I am concerned, Jaygle Bay won for best beer, and Lucifer’s Choice won for best chili.
Photo by Chris Mullen, story by Earl Crown.
Photo by Chris Mullen
I’ll be at Chilibrew Three assuming there is one. If my retelling of this fabulous experience hasn’t inspired you to come as well then let me leave you with this.
My only regret about the evening was that I was too drunk to make it down to the Wind-Up Space to see the Dirty Marmaduke Flute Squad play. After several rounds of chili and beer, I ended my evening sitting on the curb next to my car, smoking my last Cuban cigar and farting loudly. Beans, beans the magical fruit…
Photo by Chris Mullen, story by Earl Crown.
