It’s called INTIMACY 2.0, very sensually in all caps as if it were being screamed at you by Microsoft Sam. Designed by Studio Roosegaarde the dress is wired with a variety of e-foils and LEDs, it’s progressive stages of transparency are controlled by an increases in the wearer’s heartbeat. Wait, what? Hold up, let’s assume you actually wear one of these in public. You’re walking down the street in your ridiculous space dress, wires dragging behind you, business as usual when suddenly a pedicab veers off of the road. It narrowly misses you and crashes into a fire hydrant. As you stand there in the shock you realize that your heart rate is through the roof, you’re totally exposed. You try in vain to calm yourself down but you’re too flustered. The Paramedics on the scene all point and laugh at your weird rash. The future is horrible. Even in an intimate setting it seems like a hassle. “Alright the dress is invisible, so that’s good, I guess we’re attracted to each other. Cool. Can you give me ten minutes to take off and carefully put away this very expensive electronic dress? Awesome.” It’s 2014. We need technology to help us be naked. Welcome.

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